Monthly Archives: February 2011

What is Intellectual Courage?

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Compiled and written by Lisa and Jennifer:

This is the third in the “Six Types of Courage” that we will explore in-depth. We hope you’ve already had the chance to read over our page called “The Six Types of Courage” for a brief overview of our definitions.  The examples we give for each type of courage may apply to your children and/or to you —please keep in mind, when you are reading this post, that some of these examples may involve taking “baby steps” on your way to intellectual courage!  Every step towards courage is worthwhile and important.

Intellectual Courage

“Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.”— Marie Curie

“The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.”—  John Kenneth Galbraith

“If you believe everything you read, you better not read.”—  Japanese proverb

Intellectual courage means being willing to grapple with difficult or confusing concepts and ask questions, being willing to struggle to gain understanding and risk making mistakes.  Sometimes what we learn challenges previously accepted ideas, or contradicts teachings of family or cultural group.  Intellectual courage will be required more and more in the future, as complex structural problems of the environment, economy, and society challenge conventional problem-solving.  Intellectual courage means being intrinsically motivated to learn and question, rather than extrinsically motivated.  Given the information explosion of recent decades along with easy and indiscriminate access to it, being a critical thinker will only become more important, not less.  Being passive recipients of information, forgetting to track sources or cross-reference data can quickly turn even the brightest minds into moldable mush.  Integrity and authenticity are interwoven with intellectual courage; it means telling the truth no matter how uncomfortable.

For inspiring true stories, ways to recognize and coach intellectual courage in ourselves and our children…READ ON!

History offers great examples of intellectual courage.  When we picture Galileo standing before the Inquisition, insisting that he could not recant the ‘heresy’ of his evidence that we don’t live in a perfect universe, we see intellectual courage in action. 

This fascinating lecture by Dan Gilbert on TED.com indicates how easy it is to deceive ourselves, and how thoroughly we must be willing to question all of our assumptions.  It’s about 35 minutes long and well worth watching; grab a cup of coffee and be prepared to think!

  • asking questions
  • listening to questions
  • working on puzzles and thought problems
  • memorizing long poems
  • studying music or a foreign language
  • applying for and using a library card
  • disagreeing with your own mind
  • seeking out opposing points of view
  • deciding you’d rather have peace of mind than be right
  • reading banned books
  • curiosity
  • taking as long as necessary to learn something, rather than being satisfied with a superficial understanding
  • offering opinions
  • listening to others’ opinions

Lack of intellectual courage looks like:

  • not asking questions
  • not listening to questions — or the answers
  • giving up quickly on new material or new ideas
  • not admitting that you don’t know
  • repeating “facts” without questioning them
  • superstition
  • inability to recognize connections between ideas
  • lack of curiosity about other people, other ideas
  • pretending you don’t know what you really do know, like not opening the bills or test results
  • accepting the first answer

Intellectual courage sounds like:

  • “Can you explain that to me again?”
  • “I’ve changed my mind.”
  • “How do you know that’s true?”
  • “Where can I find more information?”
  • “I get it!”
  • “Wow, that’s really interesting!”
  • “Show me how you did that.”
  • “I never thought of it that way.”
  • “What do you think?”
  • “I wonder if…”
  • “Hmm, that didn’t work out.  Let’s try that problem again.” 
  • “Are we even asking the right questions about this issue?”
  • “What questions would you ask if you were in my shoes?”
  • “I’ve got a great idea!”

Lack of intellectual courage sounds like:

  • “Don’t ask so many questions!”
  • “Don’t be ridiculous!”
  • “I hate tests.”
  • “I hate school.”
  • “I’m terrible at math/spelling/languages/reading/etc.”
  • “We’re just supposed to solve the problem this way.”
  • “Keep your opinions to yourself.”
  • “Why do we have to learn this?”
  • “I’m so stupid.”
  • “Nobody’s interested in what you have to say.”
  • “That’s how we’ve always done it.”
  • “How should I know?”
  • “Reading is a waste of time.”

Grab Some Lion’s Whiskers!
Here are some tips for developing intellectual courage for yourself and your kids:

  • keep reference books handy so you can look things up (yes, we still need actual books)
  • get big maps for your walls and explore them with your kids
  • encourage your children to ask questions (and be patient when they start asking!)
  • pick a topic you’re all interested in and explore it together
  • let your child tell you something interesting (even if you already know it)
  • keep different kinds of puzzles and games available (using words or numbers), especially ones that require creative problem-solving or “out of the box” thinking
  • let your kids catch you reading
  • learn how to say “I don’t know.  Let’s find out.”
  • compete to see how many uses you can find for everyday objects: pencils, paper, tin foil, sugar, money, cotton balls, CDs
  • play memory games in the car to encourage observation and focus
  • take an active interest in what your children are learning and ask them what their opinions are about what they are learning
  • at dinner, ask your family about what they’re reading or ask them for one new (interesting to them) fact that they just learned
  • share trickster tales and stories that celebrate quick-wittedness and fantastic feats

What are your ideas about intellectual courage, your parenting tips to promote it with kids, or your favorite intellectual courage story (fiction or non-fiction)? We’d love to hear from you!

Here are some posts on the blog that are related to intellectual courage: Courage As an Antidote to Fear, Two Parables of Rumi, David and Goliath, Relativity, The Way We Hold Our Babies, 
5-Minute Courage Workout: Thinking Outside the Box,    The Gate of Heaven and the Gate of Hell,  The Sky is Falling?  Really? ,  The Briar Patch,    Right Brain Workouts for Kids & Parents    
A Mango Tree and a Baby, two stories,  Courage Book Review: Three by Idries Shah, A Hurricane is Coming
Here’s more on the types of courage:
What is Physical Courage?
What is Social Courage?
What is Emotional Courage?
What is Moral Courage?
What is Spiritual Courage?

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The Journey Our Kids Are On

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If you don’t know the trees you may be lost in the forest, but if you don’t know the stories you may be lost in life. — Anonymous (Siberian) proverb
A few months ago our Waldorf school hosted a master teacher from Denmark to advise the school on our early childhood programs. In an open forum with parents, this teacher was asked “What is the biggest difference you see between European parents and American parents?”
Without hesitation she replied, “Fear. American parents are full of fear.”
She went on, “Look around you. This town is beautiful. You have natural places and safe streets. This is a perfect place for children. What is there to be afraid of here?”

In my chair beside her in the circle I did a silent “hear hear.” To be fair, however, I had helped stack the deck in favor of her opinion. I had offered to host her in my home, which I had chosen because of its proximity to school. She had spent a week walking the autumn leaf-strewn sidewalks of our neighborhood between my house and the lower school (grades 1-8) and the preschool a few blocks away. It was only necessary for her to get in a car when she went to the Forest Kindergarten in the big state park a few miles distant.


As I said, one of the reasons I chose this house was so that K. would be able to walk or snowshoe to school by herself (or ride her bike or her scooter) and walk the dog on longer and longer walks. This is not a trivial concern. It’s not just so that I don’t have to get dressed in the morning to drive her or otherwise see she gets to her school. It is because I’ve observed that unchaperoned transport is one of the first ways our children can truly learn to be independent and one of the most useful.
As evidence, I offer every piece of classic children’s literature! In story, the hero can’t be handicapped by needing a ride from mom. In story, the hero has to jump on her bike or run around the block.
Classic children’s stories are frequently set in a walkable town, so that kids have a decent shot at getting around on their own. Fantasy, historical fiction and science fiction are popular genres for children’s book authors, I believe, because they are free from the constraints of the minivan and the subdivision, where children are marooned in a state of infantile dependence until earning a driver’s license. (Several years ago I wrote an essay on this subject, “Navigating the Neighborhood” for a children’s literature journal called the Riverbank Review, sadly defunct.)  Heroes become heroes by acting, not by waiting for a ride.
In my opinion, the rise of the “safe” housing subdivision has been mirrored by a rise in parental paranoia, and we have generations of children who have never learned to do anything on their own, including reading a street sign to figure out where they are.
But I digress. When other parents in town or in our school community say to me, “Your daughter is so lucky, she gets to walk to school,” I can think of no polite reply. Where you live is a matter of choice, and of the priorities you set, not a matter of luck. If it’s more important to you to live in a subdivision close to the interstate so that your commute is a few minutes shorter, then your child will be challenged to learn how to navigate independently. On the other hand, I am sometimes met with an incredulous, “You really let your daughter walk by herself?” I wonder how safe those parents will feel when their own child experiences unchaperoned transport for the first time at 17 or 18 – behind the wheel of a car.
Do I let K. wander unknown streets? No. Do I have her call me when she has arrived on foot at Lisa’s house to visit B.? Yes. Have I taught her what to do if she feels threatened by a stranger? Yes. Have I walked our neighborhood streets with her again and again and pointed out the street signs to her? Yes. Have I made a game out of letting her navigate when we are driving around town? Yes. Yes, yes, and yes, I have tried to teach her how to navigate our neighborhood, and I have given her opportunities to do it without hovering over her shoulder or even tailing her in the car at a distance. Did I feel like throwing up the first time she walked away from me down the street by herself? Yes. But in allowing her space to learn courage and become the hero of her own story, I am trying to learn it myself, as well.
Lisa and I live 8 zig-zagging blocks apart from each other, so our girls are getting lots of practice, and they are strengthening their courage each time they make that journey on their own.

(strolling boy photo: Arvind Balaraman, FreeDigitaPhotos.net)

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Shout out

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Thank you to our friends in Ireland and the UK for sharing this blog with your friends!  We really appreciate the way you are spreading the word!  Would you consider passing it along to a fellow parent, a teacher, or your head of school today?  Thanks again.

Shout out

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Thank you to our friends in the Pacific: Japan, Singapore,  South Korea and Australia!  We really appreciate the way you’ve been spreading the word!  We’ve been hearing from your friends!  Please continue to share the blog with other parents, teachers and friends and please leave your comments: we love to hear from you.

Keeping up with the blog

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What is Social Courage?

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Compiled and written by Lisa and Jennifer:

This is the second in the “Six Types of Courage” that we will explore in-depth. We hope you’ve already had the chance to read over our page called “The Six Types of Courage” for a brief overview of our definitions.  The examples we give for each type of courage may apply to your children and/or to you —please keep in mind, when you are reading this post, that some of these examples may involve taking “baby steps” on your way to social courage!  Every step towards courage is worthwhile and important.

Social Courage


“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”  —Winston Churchill

“Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

Social courage is standing up tall, being able to greet the world with your head held high, feeling comfortable in your own skin.  Social courage means not conforming to the expectations of others, being willing to show your true self even if it means risking social disapproval or punishment.  It means being able to express opinions and preferences without checking to see if they are in line with “everyone else’s” opinions and preferences.   It helps us apologize and move on.  It is not about attracting or craving attention, it’s about not minding attention.  It’s about asking for what you want or need and offering what you see others want or need. For parents, it means not comparing your child’s achievements with another child’s achievements; for teens especially, it means understanding peer pressure and standing firm against it in its destructive forms.  Social courage often involves helping others, developing a charitable consciousness, and acting on behalf of others—whether anyone else can see or not.   Social courage is also involved in both leading and following.

For inspiring true stories, ways to recognize and coach social courage in ourselves and our children…READ ON! 

Here’s a three-minute video from earlier this year that shows a young man demonstrating social courage on behalf of his family in a public forum.  He is heartfelt, articulate, and brave. (note: we also love that he thanks his parents.)

Social courage looks like:

  • having a personal style and sticking to it, regardless of fashion trends
  • performing in a play or concert
  • delivering an oral report with confidence
  • inviting the kid who often gets left out to your birthday party
  • organizing a charity event
  • volunteering as a mentor or youth group leader
  • finding role models who reflect our own values
  • stepping away from a clique that has become unhealthy
  • standing up to peer pressure
  • resisting the temptation to lie or cheat, even if a close friend or family member asks you to
  • shaking hands and introducing yourself 
  • traveling to a foreign country where you may not know a word of the language
  • allowing others to shine, succeed, win, and even be right!
  • being on time
  • helping play host/hostess at a family party
  • admitting mistakes
  • running for class/school/public office
  • apologizing
  • keeping your word
  • asking for a raise

Lack of social courage looks like:

  • chasing fashion trends
  • allowing others to make your decisions
  • standing at the back of a group photo or presentation
  • gossiping
  • being a bully or a passive bystander
  • always sitting at the back of the class
  • refusing or “forgetting” to vote
  • refusing to sign up for an after-school or extra-curricular activity
  • refusing to make new friendships and avoiding situations where you don’t know anyone
  • waiting to see what others do first
  • not raising your hand
  • running away from a mistake or accident
  • breaking appointments when something “better” comes up
  • texting or Facebooking bad news to a friend instead of doing it in person

Social courage sounds like:

  • “Hello, my name is ________.”
  • “So what if they don’t like it?  I do.”
  • “I’m gay.”
  • “Yes, I can help you fund-raise.”
  • “I’ve decided to ask ____ out on a date.”
  • “I know it takes time to make friends.  I just have to keep trying.”
  • “I wasn’t invited to her party, but that’s okay.”
  • “I’m trying out for the team/the play/the competition.”
  • “Stop picking on her.”
  • “Here’s why I want you to vote for me.”
  • “I’d like you to meet my family.”

Lack of social courage sounds like:

  • “But everyone’s wearing them!”
  • “Can’t you be more like the other moms?”
  • “I don’t like meeting new people.”
  • “You’re embarrassing me!”
  • “My child isn’t usually like this!”
  • “I don’t like people like that.”
  • “If I do/don’t do _______ people won’t like me.”
  • “People like that scare me.”
  • “I didn’t do it!”
  • “You can’t wear that!”
  • “They’ll all stare at me!”
  • “If I can’t go to this party I’ll be a loser!”

Grab Some Lion’s Whiskers!
Here are some tips for developing social courage for you and your kids:

  • practice telephone etiquette, role-play phone conversations with your kids
  • be a model of courtesy: shake hands, say thank you, greet people by name
  • play Follow the Leader, Simon Says, Mother-May-I?
  • play charades and or deliver short after-dinner speeches from a grab bag of topics for fun
  • have a dress-up or costume box and dip into it often — not just at Halloween
  • participate in school or local government by attending meetings and expressing your opinions
  • if you are a make-up wearer, go without for a few days; if you’re not a make-up wearer, try wearing some for a few days
  • wear a dramatic hat to the supermarket; get your kids clown noses
  • watch some of the videos on Improv Everywhere or Free Hugs Campaign with your kids and discuss what it might be like to participate
  • make sure that family photo albums include everyone—in other words, don’t hide behind the camera!
  • share stories about strong leaders

A great example of a child showing social courage is this boy who asked his local government council if they would build a playground. 

Another way to grab some Lion’s Whiskers for social courage is to do our 5-Minute Courage Workout: A Fate Worse Than Death, which is about public speaking.  Standing up and speaking for what we believe in, or advocating for change we want, or simply sharing what we know, is a great life skill to give your children.
What are your ideas about social courage, your parenting tips to promote it with kids, or your favorite social courage story (fiction or non-fiction)?  We’d love to hear from you!

Here’s more on the types of courage:
What is Physical Courage?
What is Emotional Courage?
What is Moral Courage?
What is Intellectual Courage?
What is Spiritual Courage?

This is one of our most popular posts.  Please consider posting to Facebook or tweeting it for us.  Thanks!